FOMO, Discernment, and Ignatius
Did you know that FOMO is a real word? An acronym for Fear Of Missing Out, FOMO was added to the Oxford dictionary back in 2013. It describes the experience of anxiety at the thought that exciting and interesting things might be happening elsewhere, and that you aren’t able to be a part of it. Many of us know the experience of feeling disconnected to a group of people who start to reminisce about something important or trivial, funny or solemn, exciting or otherwise of which we have not been a part. Sometimes we can engage with the story and discover the details, but at others, we may be filled with a deep sense of regret that we were not part of the experience being recounted. Perhaps we can feel like we are less important because we are not part of the shared story. On the other hand, FOMO can also be the experience of planning our lives so that we can make sure that we are part of the experience that we are so desperate not to miss out on.
According to the dictionary, social media has perpetuated the experience of FOMO, perhaps because the visual reminders of what other people are up to make us question how we have spent our time. And so the scrolling begins, in an attempt to keep in touch with other people’s lives and news, albeit from a distance, not wanting to be the last person to know when someone else got engaged, had a baby, travelled (in a non-Covid era) or basically did anything else.
Before I joined the sisters, social media was not a big thing, but in the time of my discernment as I was feeling increasingly called to be a sister, I wanted to know what sisters did during their day. And in the last months before I could move to Canberra to join the MGLs, I would talk to the sisters and have a sense, I think, of what we now call FOMO. I wanted to be there already, living the life of prayer, sisterhood, and mission alongside them, perhaps so much so that I missed some of the gifts the present moment had to offer me. That’s the thing about FOMO – it can draw us to be so focused on something else, somewhere where we are wishing we could be that we miss that is right in front of us.
What does this have to do with discerning a vocation and St Ignatius? Well, one of the principles that Ignatius suggests for discernment reminds me of FOMO. As he outlines practical suggestions when you have a particular decision to make, he talks about imagining yourself on your deathbed, reflecting over your life. The point of this is to consider how we would feel about the decision we had made. For instance, could you get to the end of your life and wish you had given consecrated life a go, or at least looked seriously at it?
Are you a little afraid to consider it because you have some FOMO going on and are concerned about missing out on other things that may not fit with choosing consecrated life? After all, real joy and fulfilment is not found in scrolling through social media wishing we were where the fun and actions seems to be, but in following Jesus and discovering his unique calling on our own life. So be free from the negative impacts of FOMO, and jump into the arms of Jesus, asking him to enable you to stay in the present, and lead you forward each day with love.
Mel Edwards
