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Thursday, 20 August 2020 07:00

Waves of Love


I painted this image on retreat. I was at the beach watching the huge waves crashing against the rocks. There was a chasm in-between the rocks that stood in a circular shape, and the water was constantly rushing as if to fill this gap. It also created white foam when the water was hitting the rocks. As I was watching it, I had an insight that the love of God fills the gulf in me, just like the water in the ocean rushes into the vacuum in- between rocks. Nature works as such that when there is an empty space, air, water or other atomic contents hurry to fill the chasm. Similarly, the love of God fills the gaps in me.

The Lord made it clear in my retreat that being in the immensity of his love is my destiny. It is our primary call to be in this ocean of unfathomable love. No matter what happens, if we are soaked in this love our responses, our attitudes and our very outlook on life will contain a touch of the divine. This love will bring us great security, so that when everything else crumbles down, we will still be grounded in it, bringing a deep stillness and peace that surpasses all rational explanations.

I say this because it is paradoxical that we experience peace during chaos, but when the immediate experience is tensions, fears and anxieties that grip us, perhaps we expect turbulence and not peace.This inexpressible peace and immense love have been the inheritance of the saints. It is my inheritance too. It is the destiny of those who love God more than themselves that they will experience, “what no eye has seen, no ear has heard and nor mind has conceived” (1 Cor 2:9) and what the Lord has prepared for those souls is beyond human grasp.

Prior to this moment at the beach, I was reflecting on the input that I gave to the sisters based on John 13:23 (There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of his disciples whom Jesus loved) and John 1:18 (No one has seen God at any time; the only begotten God who is in the bosom of the Father, he has explained Him). These two verses convey the message that Jesus was in the closest and the most intimate relationship to the Father. This same embrace of the Father was gifted to humanity, that the beloved disciple could lay his head on the bosom of Jesus. It is not only Jesus who was in the bosom of the Father but also the whole of Trinity that holds each other in an infinite love. As beings fashioned after this infinite love of the Trinity, we long to be held, accepted, healed and loved unconditionally. It is in this embrace of the love of God that a true transformation can take place.

The Greek word “Kolpos” in John 13:23 and 1:18 has several meanings such as bosom and upper part of the chest (which we understand that the beloved disciple is leaning on) and it also has connotations such as a gulf or a bay. If there is a gulf between God and me and I cannot come to a place of rest, that I feel that I am too sinful, too weak, too wounded and that the gulf between God and I is enormous…………. maybe that’s when I need to run into his arms more than I ever did.

I was asking the questions:

What is it that I am grappling with in this time of my life, that I feel like even God cannot solve?

What area in my life do I need healing?  Is it identity? Is it work or ministry relationships? Can it be issues in the family or is it my vocation? Is it my prayer life?

What is the very response that I am unable to give?

What patterns are there that I cannot break out of, that I feel so powerless in?

I realized that the battle is clearly the Lord’s and not mine. I am not called to battle out any of these with my own strength but by the grace of God. It doesn’t matter what my senses say to me. By choosing to let this love flow into my being, I am letting the Lord do an inner work that may not be grasped by my faculties. All I need to do is to let the waves of God’s love flood into my inner being, like those waters in the ocean rushing into the gulf between the rocks. The purity of God’s love, like the white foam that is created as those waters crash onto the rocks, has the potential to bring healing into my brokenness. In his love I will be transformed, my selfishness will be broken. My heart will be healed. This is the realization that I had in my retreat and it is priceless. 

Ayanthi Perera